Never smile at a Crocodile

Well, the name says it all really. Being a new dad I have found there is almost a limitless supply of alleged nursery rhymes. Mrs Koopa (working in a school for 15 years) knows all word for word even the obscure ones. For our little lad we have 5 CDs of these and I have heard of maybe.........20%, if that. So while settling the wee man, you have to listen to these, and one that caught my attention was ‘never smile at a crocodile’. Now I know all the jive about ring ‘o’ roses being about AIDS and a lot of dark beginnings for what are now considered children’s songs but come on, never smile at a crocodile? Is that a real Ray Mears piece of advice or is it being racist towards David Ickes reptilian brethren? I mean, personally should I happen upon a large, man eating looking, killer croc I’d be running the fuck up a tree or at least into some sort of armoured box, NOT looking to smile at that Godzilla lookin’ mother fucker. On the flip side, do crocs kill out of a feeling of persecution having ‘never been smiled’ at? I ask you, is that not a Jeremy Kyle episode just waiting to happen? The title could be ‘I smiled at a crocodile and now I’m pregnant without a face’. I’m not convinced about these nursery rhymes at all; tomorrow’s post could be about ‘she’ll be coming around the mountain’ a sombre tail of the final, pink pyjama wearing, years of Barbara Cartland?